Mindful Listening with Children
Studies show that our mindful listening helps children learn to handle upsets more effectively and respond more compassionately with others. Over the long run, parent’s mindful listening contributes to a child’s ability to regulate their own negative emotions and be more successful in school and on the job.
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Key Skills
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Message you send
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Example
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Ask ‘What’ Questions for the sake of gathering information & expressing interest, not to confront or push your agenda. Then, listen to your child’s full message, without interrupting.
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I am interested in your experience of the situation.
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What happened?
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Show Empathy. Connect with a feeling behind your child’s words. Match voice tone and facial expression accurately to reflect the feeling.
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I care about your feelings connected with the experience.
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You waited all day to go to the park and now you’re sad that you can’t go.
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Know when to listen mindfully
Mindful listening is to communicate your acceptance of your child point of view and to express empathy - not to push your agenda. Listen when you are not immersed in your own problems, when you feel accepting and when you genuinely want to listen.
Competence comes with practice
Practice the skills with other adults: your friends, coworkers and partner (if relevant) as well as your children.
Don’t give up too quickly. Our children are used to hearing us warn, preach, advise, moralize and interrogate. It might take time for your child to realize that:
* You really do want to understand
* You are accepting of their perceptions (are you?)
Don’t expect your child to arrive at your preferred solution
Effective listening is to help children with their problems -- a tool for helping them find their own solutions. Be prepared for times when no solution surfaces, or when your child remains upset, despite your listening.
Mindful listening is to communicate your acceptance of your child point of view and to express empathy - not to push your agenda. Listen when you are not immersed in your own problems, when you feel accepting and when you genuinely want to listen.
Competence comes with practice
Practice the skills with other adults: your friends, coworkers and partner (if relevant) as well as your children.
Don’t give up too quickly. Our children are used to hearing us warn, preach, advise, moralize and interrogate. It might take time for your child to realize that:
* You really do want to understand
* You are accepting of their perceptions (are you?)
Don’t expect your child to arrive at your preferred solution
Effective listening is to help children with their problems -- a tool for helping them find their own solutions. Be prepared for times when no solution surfaces, or when your child remains upset, despite your listening.
| one_pager_mindful_listening_with_children.pdf |