ACT for Families
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Mistake Repair

We all make lots of mistakes

Parents want what’s best for our children. 

And we’re human. Sometimes we make mistakes. 

How we handle our mistakes has a lifelong influence on our children. Being able to deal in an effective and straightforward manner with mistakes is a relationship builder. And in watching us, our children learn important lessons about compassion and vulnerability. 

What do we want to create with language about mistakes that we will model and children will learn to use?  
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The Larger Learning

·         We all make mistakes
·         We can learn from our mistakes
·         What we do affects others.
·         We can take responsibility for our mistakes
·         Doing so models and encourages compassion (The other person is a “mistake-maker,” too)

 The next time you make a mistake, follow these three simple steps for Mistake Repair:

The 3 R’s of Mistake repair

Recognize your mistake

Reconcile: Be willing to say, “I’m sorry.  I don’t like the way I handled that.”

Resolve: Say how you aim to behave differently (in the service of your relationship)

Caution! This will undo the learning

And remember, after you Recognize, Reconcile and Resolve, resist the temptation to say, “but…”    Mistake Repair is about accepting responsibility for our own part in the situation. It is not about telling the other person what they should have done.  When you do this, you might be surprised by the other’s response. When we don’t feel threatened, we are more likely to acknowledge our own mistakes.

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© 2014 ACT for Families in collaboration with ORI CES
ACT for Families is a center within ORI Community and Evaluation Services (ORI CES), an affiliate of Oregon Research Institute
1776 Millrace Dr., Eugene, OR 97403 • Phone: 541.833.0017 • Email:  actforfamilies@gmail.com
  • Resources
    • What Is ACT?
    • Introducing Mindfulness
  • About Us
    • The Team
    • Past, Present and Future
    • What People Say About Us
    • Contact